Saturday, June 16, 2007

Sexual Harassment for dummies

I've been living in a bubble. Like racial discrimination, I didn't think it existed anymore. This is because no one I know would ever DREAM of either. (Much like I'm consistently surprised at stupidity, because I'm surrounded by such brilliance that I sometimes feel I'M the stupid one.)

I was at some business training last week in Chicago. There was one GRUELING day of EEO/civil rights. It was a dry, mind-numbing, and horrible 8 HOURS of this. So, when some of the group decided that ordering in deep dish REAL Chicago pizza was the way to go, I agreed. I needed a drink! Well, after a few, and the bar closing at midnight, four of us decided to head up to a room with a bottle of wine. (Since I am choosy about what FRIENDS I do this with, the fact that I did this with colleagues should show you my state of inebriation....)

That's where it happened. DUH. Someone noticed a tattoo. I showed them my neck. One guy kept touching my neck--followed by rubbing my back. I figured out what was going on and did the "Hey, buddy, MY vows actually MEAN something." Another guy ran some interference and I was able to get into a chair away from him.

What surprised me was how I reacted. I felt guilty, like I did something wrong. I was drunk and put myself in a stupid situation. When telling a friend about how emabarrassed and humiliated I was, her remark? "You sound like a rape victim: if I didn't wear that dress...." It really helped with the perspective. I DID drink too much and excercise poor judgement. My culpability ends there. There was nothing in my behavior that said "Ready and willing..."

Makes me really think about victims less strong than me. Damn. This really affected me in some profound ways. I can't imagine the ways something worse would impact others, as well.

Lessoned learned.

Friday, June 08, 2007

HEY, NEW BOSS! Read THIS!!!!

Remember when I told you I was loyal in my interview? Well, the way to earn that loyalty is NOT to bash my old boss (who helped shape the person you hired, and who I respect highly) OR to let my staff circumvent me to tell you about situations you hired me to deal with--and that I was dealing with.

Helping another one of my staff members gun for my previous boss isn't helping your cause much, either. He's gunning for him because he percieves that the boss put a halt on his career....I think you were told about this too: the boss demoted him because of the sexual harassment charges that an entire state program was leveling against him and his many brands of improper work practices. (That I am having to clean up for you, now.) He's lucky he didn't get fired. He should have been. I don't know what ax you have to grind there, or if my employee just poisoned the well, but your support of him makes you highly suspect. I don't appreciate you not telling me all of the relevant details; instead I got them from a colleague. You aren't looking good. The gag order didn't help. Sure, you chose a great office, and I got a nice raise that you didn't have to give me until next year, but, sorry, I just can't be bought with $$$ like that.