Gold Guilt

There was a time when I had an extreme penchant for the tacky. It amused me. I particularly loved the 70's gold gilt candelabras, shelves, and clocks. I knew they were ugly. They worked well with the eclectic modern poverty that graced my houses and apartments. I collected these wonderful works in the old punk days when I lived with my best friend from high school. This is the woman I met on Halloween as a young teen, too cool for costumes. By the end of the evening we had exchanged clothing behind a car somewhere. We were fated to be friends. We lived together for over 5 yrs and went through some ROUGH times together before I got my act together and moved on.
Well, Friend hasn't gotten her act together and moved on. She's pretty much stagnating. Maybe even regressing. She has this amazing potential: she's a wonderful artist. She also has a way of drawing people in and making them feel special. She's charming in her punk rock, uneducated way. One of the most TRULY nice, good-hearted people I know.
The situation that she chooses to remain in creates more ROUGH times. I feel terrible that I can't help her. My example of returning to school and landing a good career isn't helping. My words ("Responsible doesn't mean grown-up.") don't help. Any actions I take don't help. I try to be supportive when I see her, but there is guilt in that, because I certainly don't support her lifestyle anymore. Usually after I see her I am saddened for days, so I let more time pass before I see her. Guilt. Yesterday, I had to call her mom for her address, because I had lost her completely. MAJOR GUILT. I've finally come to terms that there is nothing I can do. I can't save the world; I can't save my friend. I only can change me and my thoughts.
Hubster and I are in the middle of a major house remodel. Basement finishing. We had the huge dumpster and were happily dumping when hubster found a box of the gold gilt. He was about to happily dump when I noticed. This is an area of my past that he absolutely can't live with. I have a problem just throwing stuff away. (Goodwill junkie past.) Realizing that no one in their right mind is going to buy 70's gold gilt from Goodwill, I decided I had a better idea: gilt will be joining the guilt. There is one way I can be a good friend. I can still offer some fun and light in her life. The plan is to run over one day while she's gone and gilt the apartment. I'll be leaving the guilt behind as well.