Sexual Harassment for dummies
I've been living in a bubble. Like racial discrimination, I didn't think it existed anymore. This is because no one I know would ever DREAM of either. (Much like I'm consistently surprised at stupidity, because I'm surrounded by such brilliance that I sometimes feel I'M the stupid one.)
I was at some business training last week in Chicago. There was one GRUELING day of EEO/civil rights. It was a dry, mind-numbing, and horrible 8 HOURS of this. So, when some of the group decided that ordering in deep dish REAL Chicago pizza was the way to go, I agreed. I needed a drink! Well, after a few, and the bar closing at midnight, four of us decided to head up to a room with a bottle of wine. (Since I am choosy about what FRIENDS I do this with, the fact that I did this with colleagues should show you my state of inebriation....)
That's where it happened. DUH. Someone noticed a tattoo. I showed them my neck. One guy kept touching my neck--followed by rubbing my back. I figured out what was going on and did the "Hey, buddy, MY vows actually MEAN something." Another guy ran some interference and I was able to get into a chair away from him.
What surprised me was how I reacted. I felt guilty, like I did something wrong. I was drunk and put myself in a stupid situation. When telling a friend about how emabarrassed and humiliated I was, her remark? "You sound like a rape victim: if I didn't wear that dress...." It really helped with the perspective. I DID drink too much and excercise poor judgement. My culpability ends there. There was nothing in my behavior that said "Ready and willing..."
Makes me really think about victims less strong than me. Damn. This really affected me in some profound ways. I can't imagine the ways something worse would impact others, as well.
Lessoned learned.
I was at some business training last week in Chicago. There was one GRUELING day of EEO/civil rights. It was a dry, mind-numbing, and horrible 8 HOURS of this. So, when some of the group decided that ordering in deep dish REAL Chicago pizza was the way to go, I agreed. I needed a drink! Well, after a few, and the bar closing at midnight, four of us decided to head up to a room with a bottle of wine. (Since I am choosy about what FRIENDS I do this with, the fact that I did this with colleagues should show you my state of inebriation....)
That's where it happened. DUH. Someone noticed a tattoo. I showed them my neck. One guy kept touching my neck--followed by rubbing my back. I figured out what was going on and did the "Hey, buddy, MY vows actually MEAN something." Another guy ran some interference and I was able to get into a chair away from him.
What surprised me was how I reacted. I felt guilty, like I did something wrong. I was drunk and put myself in a stupid situation. When telling a friend about how emabarrassed and humiliated I was, her remark? "You sound like a rape victim: if I didn't wear that dress...." It really helped with the perspective. I DID drink too much and excercise poor judgement. My culpability ends there. There was nothing in my behavior that said "Ready and willing..."
Makes me really think about victims less strong than me. Damn. This really affected me in some profound ways. I can't imagine the ways something worse would impact others, as well.
Lessoned learned.
posted by Madzillah at 8:05 AM
3 Comments:
Rant on, and next time slap the hand on your neck and say, "No, don't touch me there." MY neck.
God bless the co worker who bailed.
Well, if I hadn't been entirely DRUNK--that might have been a no-brainer....that or kicking him in the balls.
That's my girl!
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