Truthfully, I failed
I'm not certain how I managed to put a child like him on the planet. I understand that children rebel and have to show "how grown they are" and how they distance themselves from their parents to do that. I get that.
What boggles me is the absolute conviction that truth is optional at any given time. He sees no problem with lying to people. He pretty much expects it. I consider him pathological.
Without going into it too much, (other than he's back, and YES there was a lot of drama)we were talking about manipulative behavior. Case in point: he came to me one night, the girlfriend was really sick and no one was home. Could you go over to her house, mom? Yup, I went, feeling like the good mom. There she put on a great show; culminating in her telling me things designed to make me let him go there or her come to my house to keep her safe. I didn't fall for THAT and made certain she was good until her mom got home. I had blamed it on her (her story and theatrics) but after the conversation I just had with my son, it very well could have been a collaborative effort.
We were talking about that, because I spoke with him about it at the time. It came out of his mouth that it was ok because she has no reason NOT to lie to me. He expects her to lie to me. He definitely lies to her mother. He said that if it suits his purposes, it is ok to lie. This was not a heated conversation, it was just a conversation. I tried to be the least judgemental that I could be when I pointed out that even if he ISN'T lying to person x, if person x sees him lying to person y, person x will think he's lying to them. It didn't matter to him.
I am utterly sickened and devastated by this. Trust is something that we have talked about for a long time. Not being able to trust him again ever is a horrible feeling. But there it is: that trust is GONE GONE GONE. I pretty much have to, from this time forward, know that if IT ISN'T SUITING HIS PURPOSES, it isn't going to be the truth. And since I am not always privy to those pursposes, IT PROBABLY NEVER IS THE TRUTH.
At least he was honest about that.
What boggles me is the absolute conviction that truth is optional at any given time. He sees no problem with lying to people. He pretty much expects it. I consider him pathological.
Without going into it too much, (other than he's back, and YES there was a lot of drama)we were talking about manipulative behavior. Case in point: he came to me one night, the girlfriend was really sick and no one was home. Could you go over to her house, mom? Yup, I went, feeling like the good mom. There she put on a great show; culminating in her telling me things designed to make me let him go there or her come to my house to keep her safe. I didn't fall for THAT and made certain she was good until her mom got home. I had blamed it on her (her story and theatrics) but after the conversation I just had with my son, it very well could have been a collaborative effort.
We were talking about that, because I spoke with him about it at the time. It came out of his mouth that it was ok because she has no reason NOT to lie to me. He expects her to lie to me. He definitely lies to her mother. He said that if it suits his purposes, it is ok to lie. This was not a heated conversation, it was just a conversation. I tried to be the least judgemental that I could be when I pointed out that even if he ISN'T lying to person x, if person x sees him lying to person y, person x will think he's lying to them. It didn't matter to him.
I am utterly sickened and devastated by this. Trust is something that we have talked about for a long time. Not being able to trust him again ever is a horrible feeling. But there it is: that trust is GONE GONE GONE. I pretty much have to, from this time forward, know that if IT ISN'T SUITING HIS PURPOSES, it isn't going to be the truth. And since I am not always privy to those pursposes, IT PROBABLY NEVER IS THE TRUTH.
At least he was honest about that.
posted by Madzillah at 12:24 AM
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