Lifeline

I’m throwing myself one. The only one I can help is me. If someone else can help me through this by listening and throwing in logic while I come to decisions, GREAT. If not, all I wasted really was time and money, and AT LEAST I TRIED.

He’s not trying. I think it may be just the opposite. We had some close friends from “home” down last weekend. I think he dreaded the visit; he certainly wasn’t excited about it, like he normally would have been.

He remarked to me that he didn’t want depression meds because they might “change him”. All I can think is that GODS I WOULD HOPE SO. He’s not anywhere near the man I married now. The excited about the future man. The one that worked on projects….The man that didn’t prefer a computer game to his life and family. So he is not going to see anyone about this depression. Further, he won’t even see anyone over some medical problems he had over the weekend (fell over, dizzy, after bending over and rising too fast….blood pressure?? Or simply lack of activity, since he used to fight weekly and was active and now just sits at a computer all day…?) Is he hoping that he will die and not have to deal??

So, yes, it’s affecting me. So I am going to get help. Perhaps someone will be my support as I support him. We may get through this. I love him and I want to. But, there is a line, and I need to find out where it is now. There is only so much I can take when he won’t even help himself. There is only so much that our kids need to take. I hope to find that line before we are over it and in a worse situation.