Family Insights
So, a network problem in Maryland has caused me to be able to do nothing in Michigan. I get a chance to write.
Lately, I’ve pretty much been too busy. My job has involved a lot of travel lately on top of the normal stuff. The normal stuff can keep me hopping. Got to say, though, I’ve been struggling with the normal stuff. There have been too many changes and re-interpretations to feel like I’m doing anything but running in circles. My job in essence is of a “save the world—or at least THIS resource” variety, but lately, it feels like the very people who helped create, fund, and run the program at a supra-genius headquarters level are tying my hands, not giving us support, and generally creating more problems than they fix. (In my ideal world, this last problem would not have been this: “We found this problem at our end—that only we can fix. You must stop your activities there while we figure it out.” Instead it would have been. “Hey-heads up. We found this problem and fixed it (or are fixing it). Just didn’t want you to be unaware.”) We are the newest program on the block, staffed by a bunch of new people…why is it that WE are finding all the bugs in the machine? Is it that no one else has cared enough before? Or is it that they are so worn down by the supra-geniuses’ actions that they have stopped caring. (I can really see this happening!) Everyday I feel like I have to find some reason to continue. The pool of reasons is shrinking.
The hobby. Well, I derive pleasure in seeing all my friends, but I’m a bit weary of being gone every weekend. There is so much work involved in an administrative aspect that I’m also busy at night after work. I receive ~50 emails a day! Then there is the fact that I am the trend setter right now and must look smashing every second. (Doesn’t quite always happen!) I am always waist deep in a project to keep up appearances! (Right now I must hand-appliqué 18 crescents and 16 roses on dupioni silk.)
I self-medicated Aimless-style to de-stress this last weekend. I was so pleased with the results, I did it again yesterday. (Surprisingly, I haven’t done this in years! Inspired by some people at an art fair. A group of people who were obviously family, whether by blood or not. Made me miss Aimless, but not enough to be surrounded by her chaos in more than small bits. Made me examine my relationships. I do have this family now—with my group within the hobby. Makes the endless hobby weekends bearable.)
Amazingly enough, it actually slowed me down enough to really speak with the kids. I got some insights on them that I’ve been missing. Damn stress. Where it really helped was to figure out the Teen. He has a lot of friends, but he’s really a loner. He does a variety of sports, likes the particularly demanding ones: wrestling, boxing, football, and tennis. He likes poetry and Shakespeare! He’s still an inspired artist. He’s really the sensitive, tragic, dark type. He’s pretty cool. The type that some girl is going to be lucky to have around—if he ever finds one that is cool enough for him. He’s pretty picky there. He describes girls his own age as vapid. He’s probably not wrong. The only thing I’m worried about now is that he’s happy with who he is and has enough self-confidence to be as well adjusted as any teen male. I think he’s ok there, but I’m Mom—I’m supposed to be concerned.
The Kindergartener is having some trouble adjusting to kids who aren’t as nice as him. He’s really a sweet, kind little boy who just wants everyone to be happy. He’ll sacrifice his own happiness to make someone else smile, often giving up a toy he loves to his brother to make him stop crying. I hate that he’s hurt by others and that he will have to learn that not everyone is as sweet and kind as him.
The Youngest. Not really a toddler anymore, not quite a little boy. I’m a bit worried about his temper. I’m hoping that it will get under control a bit as he discovers to better communicate it. Right now, when he’s told he’s wrong or gets in trouble, he stomps off, and/or throws, hits, or kicks something—all with a BIG POUT. I don’t think he feels like he is heard because he has 2 older brothers who communicate better. He’s getting better as we tell him how sweet he is—and he lives up to it!
Oh, and the Dog. Well. He’s a dog. He’s remarkably well-trained and calm for an unaltered adolescent male. He won’t remain unaltered for too much longer. He chews anything he can drag outside un-noticed (A pack of thank you notes??!! WHY???!!) . He’s tall enough to counter cruise without even stretching-though he doesn’t do this unless we leave something irresistible. He’s about 150 lbs. right now at just over a year. We are having some dominance issues. He thinks he’s equal to the kids, and occasionally even challenges me. I had to get after the Teen for playing too rough. If he decided to play like that with the wrong person I will be putting the “vicious animal” down by a court order. People ask us if he’s a good guard dog. Yup, if the burglar is either allergic, trips over him, or slips in a puddle of drool.
Lately, I’ve pretty much been too busy. My job has involved a lot of travel lately on top of the normal stuff. The normal stuff can keep me hopping. Got to say, though, I’ve been struggling with the normal stuff. There have been too many changes and re-interpretations to feel like I’m doing anything but running in circles. My job in essence is of a “save the world—or at least THIS resource” variety, but lately, it feels like the very people who helped create, fund, and run the program at a supra-genius headquarters level are tying my hands, not giving us support, and generally creating more problems than they fix. (In my ideal world, this last problem would not have been this: “We found this problem at our end—that only we can fix. You must stop your activities there while we figure it out.” Instead it would have been. “Hey-heads up. We found this problem and fixed it (or are fixing it). Just didn’t want you to be unaware.”) We are the newest program on the block, staffed by a bunch of new people…why is it that WE are finding all the bugs in the machine? Is it that no one else has cared enough before? Or is it that they are so worn down by the supra-geniuses’ actions that they have stopped caring. (I can really see this happening!) Everyday I feel like I have to find some reason to continue. The pool of reasons is shrinking.
The hobby. Well, I derive pleasure in seeing all my friends, but I’m a bit weary of being gone every weekend. There is so much work involved in an administrative aspect that I’m also busy at night after work. I receive ~50 emails a day! Then there is the fact that I am the trend setter right now and must look smashing every second. (Doesn’t quite always happen!) I am always waist deep in a project to keep up appearances! (Right now I must hand-appliqué 18 crescents and 16 roses on dupioni silk.)
I self-medicated Aimless-style to de-stress this last weekend. I was so pleased with the results, I did it again yesterday. (Surprisingly, I haven’t done this in years! Inspired by some people at an art fair. A group of people who were obviously family, whether by blood or not. Made me miss Aimless, but not enough to be surrounded by her chaos in more than small bits. Made me examine my relationships. I do have this family now—with my group within the hobby. Makes the endless hobby weekends bearable.)
Amazingly enough, it actually slowed me down enough to really speak with the kids. I got some insights on them that I’ve been missing. Damn stress. Where it really helped was to figure out the Teen. He has a lot of friends, but he’s really a loner. He does a variety of sports, likes the particularly demanding ones: wrestling, boxing, football, and tennis. He likes poetry and Shakespeare! He’s still an inspired artist. He’s really the sensitive, tragic, dark type. He’s pretty cool. The type that some girl is going to be lucky to have around—if he ever finds one that is cool enough for him. He’s pretty picky there. He describes girls his own age as vapid. He’s probably not wrong. The only thing I’m worried about now is that he’s happy with who he is and has enough self-confidence to be as well adjusted as any teen male. I think he’s ok there, but I’m Mom—I’m supposed to be concerned.
The Kindergartener is having some trouble adjusting to kids who aren’t as nice as him. He’s really a sweet, kind little boy who just wants everyone to be happy. He’ll sacrifice his own happiness to make someone else smile, often giving up a toy he loves to his brother to make him stop crying. I hate that he’s hurt by others and that he will have to learn that not everyone is as sweet and kind as him.
The Youngest. Not really a toddler anymore, not quite a little boy. I’m a bit worried about his temper. I’m hoping that it will get under control a bit as he discovers to better communicate it. Right now, when he’s told he’s wrong or gets in trouble, he stomps off, and/or throws, hits, or kicks something—all with a BIG POUT. I don’t think he feels like he is heard because he has 2 older brothers who communicate better. He’s getting better as we tell him how sweet he is—and he lives up to it!
Oh, and the Dog. Well. He’s a dog. He’s remarkably well-trained and calm for an unaltered adolescent male. He won’t remain unaltered for too much longer. He chews anything he can drag outside un-noticed (A pack of thank you notes??!! WHY???!!) . He’s tall enough to counter cruise without even stretching-though he doesn’t do this unless we leave something irresistible. He’s about 150 lbs. right now at just over a year. We are having some dominance issues. He thinks he’s equal to the kids, and occasionally even challenges me. I had to get after the Teen for playing too rough. If he decided to play like that with the wrong person I will be putting the “vicious animal” down by a court order. People ask us if he’s a good guard dog. Yup, if the burglar is either allergic, trips over him, or slips in a puddle of drool.
posted by Madzillah at 6:26 PM
2 Comments:
Make that puppy roll belly up and grab him gently by the throat and shake his floppy skin. This reminds him that he AGREES who the big dog is..
and come see me sometime or give me a call.
"I get a litany of “I’m so tired, the kids were terrible” when I get home, followed by HER yelling at the kids and arguing with me.
...it actually slowed me down enough to really speak with the kids. I got some insights on them that I’ve been missing."
Just a note. This applies to either gender when one is home and one works.
But you have a parent home with the kids, don't need day care and it's problems and cost.
I was keeping mine as he kept me when I was unable to work but I still think you are ahead of the game with a parent in the home.
Quit worrying about his schooling. If there is enough to get by on then just enjoy life and let him work it out at his own pace.
After a year and a week of house husbanding the mate was just starting to look for work again. It was time.
Look at all you have together just the way it is and all you have just the way you both are and tell me you can do better with another partner...hmmm?
You can delete this after you read it if you want, it's a little TMI.
Hugs girl.
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